3/14/07-Cloning Eyed As Solution to Labor Shortage

Many Angered Over "Clones Work Free" Policy

Minneapolis, MN - Severe shortages of skilled manpower in the United States has reached a crossroads. Manufacturing facilities strapped for maintenance technicians and managers have turned to technology to relieve the burden.

A group of businesses has created a system by which they can inexpensively and quickly clone their best personnel, creating an unlimited supply of competent workers. Under the current conditions, these clones must be created offshore, due to US restrictions on the practice. The country supplying over 85% of the clones is East Elbonia, where there are no laws.

"We have had great success, particularly since we perfected the transfer of knowledge from our original subject into each of his or her clones. They are essentially equal in all ways." said group spokesperson Eleanor Greable.

Employees have expressed anger at widespread denial of wages and benefits for their clones.

"All 6 of my clones get paid nothing, and receive no benefits. The company expects me to take them home with me every night! I am a slob, and now it is 7 times worse. Nobody cleans, and we are all wearing dirty clothes to work. I cannot afford to feed myself, now that I have 6 more mouths to feed." complained Matt Henderson, a local pipefitter.

Early attempts at cloning were disasterous, when the first batch was developed using a donor who was a total jerk. "By the time we got them into service, we had 240 whining, lazy, worthless slugs lying all over the plant. It was terrible." quipped foreman Charlie Hicks.

These early prototypes have been moved to customer service positions at a major PC manufacturer.