4/25/07-He Hasn't Done a Damn Thing in 22 Years...

Somewhere in Wisconsin:
Ron Cherneski (name changed to protect the foolish) recently celebrated his 22nd anniversary as a maintenance technician in a local paper mill. He is proud to say that he has not done a damn thing in all of his time at work, and he is dead serious.

Ron explained that he made a bet with a high school buddy that he could be employed at the mill, and do no meaningful work for his entire career. The bet was $50, and Ron set out to claim the prize.

"I spent the 1985-1987 carrying a 10-foot long piece of pipe around the plant for no reason. By the time I stopped, the pipe was nearly polished to a mirror finish from being handled so much." By 1987, Ron was nicknamed "Clean Ron" because he wore white pants to work and never got them dirty.

Ron was then relocated to a shop where he managed to get himself designated at the crew cook, placing him permanently outdoors tending the grill and deep frying fish. His transfer to the shop was accidentally overlooked, and his supervisor never even knew he was assigned to the crew. This job lasted until 1992, when another crew demanded a cook of their own. Ron was nearly stopped from achieving perfection as a rotten, slacking, good-for-nothing loser. Then, his luck changed...

In 1993, Ron volunteered for a night shift position. Another stroke of luck resulted in no one being aware of his existence. For many years, Ron just punched in and went home for 5-6 hours to watch cartoons. He would then walk down the street to the mill, take a shower, punch out and go home in freshly ironed white pants. Clean Ron was on easy street.

Since 2003, Cherneski has been working on standard operating procedures and manuals as a special project coordinator. In reality, he runs a successful online auction business while at work, and spends the rest of his time drinking gourmet coffee. In February, Ron received an offer from the company to retire early with a full pension and medical benefits for the rest of his life. He told Nobreakdowns.com that he plans to get another job so he doesn't have to go home and do yard work. Ron recently got a check for $50 from his high school buddy with a note that said, "Congratulations, you didn't do it!"