Longest Summer Day..A Safety Reminder

June 21st....known as Summer Solstice...the longest day of the year. Well it's not any "longer" than any other, it still has 24 hours. It's a day in which daylight lasts the "longest". Did you know that daylight will last just 4 minutes shy of 15 HOURS in some areas of the Northern Hemisphere and even longer as you get closer to the Arctic Circle? This could also be among the hottest days of summer.

With that being said, make sure you and others you are working with are drinking LOTS of fluids. Whether it is at work or play. Gatorade is a great choice. It even comes in individual packets so you don't have to mix gallons of the stuff. A place I worked at actually stocked gatorade in the storeroom. Many areas in the paper mill had those large, round coolers. You know, the type that you could stick your arm into until the cold , flavored water almost comes up to your armpit? Well, it DID come up to the armpit of one fellow. He decided on a quick and dirty method of mixing the gatorade WITHOUT using a mixing utensil. Aargh. After hearing this, we immediately did some research with the vendor that already provided the family size gatorade we were stocking and found that miniature, single serve packets were available. This not only kept everyone hydrated as they were working long hours in the heat (and in good health), but also kept the "hairy-one's" arm dry.

Instrumentation Techs Drink 800.23% More Coffee

Many Trade In Their Tools For Mugs

Instrumentation technicians have always been known to carry a cup of coffee wherever they go, much to the chagrin of their coworkers.

With the advent of gourmet coffees and blends of exotic herbal teas and other beverages, the temptation to devote more and more time to sipping java has apparently overwhelmed these maintenance team members.

One plant reported that they have found groups of instrumentation technicians huddled around the coffee maker for hours, mesmerized by the scent of a dark roasted French blend, completely ignoring the ringing telephone and squawking radios calling for help.

Still another facility has identified that only 1 in 8 instrumentation technicians even carries tools, while most have several coffee mugs.

This coffee consumption alarm is the worst threat to maintenance effectiveness since the infamous 1973 "Bottle at Every Break" whiskey fad that swept the millwrights and pipefitters across the country.

6/6/07-Where Do I Start?

One of the most common questions we get from maintenance professionals is, "Where do I start?". If you are trying to establish a proactive maintenance program, and are struggling with reactive work, overloaded staff, a limited budget and competing priorities it makes sense to ask this question.

So what's the answer? Believe it or not, the answer is nearly always the same. You need to find someone at the highest level of the organization to accept a role as your defender and supporter. Without a leader on your side who understands the stakes and the challenges you face, your program is on shaky ground. The kind of person you need is rare. Very few corporate leaders have a background in maintenance.

As a maintenance professional, you can do yourself and your team a huge favor by identifying the most likely top leader for your initiative, and and spending the time to prepare him or her for the role. You don't need to turn them into a maintenance manager, but they do need to understand the basics, and the payback for focusing on reliability instead of short-term results.

It is a big shift in thinking to let go of a production oriented focus to one of reliability. Without it, your operation will never achieve optimum performance, no matter how hard you try. Show your leaders how maintenance can contribute to the bottom line.

We have worked with facilities that have doubled their monthly profits through proactive maintenance. That kind of result is what business leaders will notice.

Learn More in the 5 Pillars: Maintenance & Reliability Professional Review Course

6/6/07-Dwarf Mechanic Triggers Manhunt

This is no joke. Recently, a woman in Germany witnessed a man throwing what she thought was a small child into the trunk of his car, and driving off. She immediately called the police, who located and stopped the car.

When they approached the car, the driver asked what was wrong, and the police officers confronted him with allegations that he had kidnapped a child, who was in the trunk of his vehicle.

The man opened the trunk to reveal that the person inside was in fact not a child, but a 27 year old dwarf. "Shorty" Mueller was a mechanic at a local auto repair shop, and he had requested that the driver place him in the trunk so he could diagnose a rattle coming from the rear of the car. Apparently he does this all the time.

1 - Hooray for the citizen watching out for our kids. We need more of that.

2 - It's great to hear about a maintenance mechanic who is willing to go the extra mile to fix a problem. It must have been a humbling experience to be a dwarf, and ask someone to toss you into a trunk and drive around with you in there!

3 - Thanks to the police for doing their jobs, but not shooting first and asking questions later. It would have made for a different kind of story if they had.

Google Map Street View

Let's get right down to business. Here's some new technology that will blow your mind.

Google™ has just released their latest service, called Google™ Maps Street View. Right now, you can view 5 different US cities in real time (New York, Miami, Denver, Las Vegas and San Francisco). So what, you say? Go there now, and click the "Street View" icon on the top of the map screen.

You will be greeted with a map of the United States with some camera-shaped icons on it. Click one of them and zoom in to the city. Any street highlighted in blue is available. It is really strange to be able to open a live shot of almost any place in a huge city and then "fly around" using your mouse. Unbelievable!

You can literally go there and see if there are leaves on the trees in Denver, if the surf is up in Miami or the the Golden Gate Bridge needs a paint job.

More cities will be added to the system continuously. What does this have to do with maintenance? I am not sure, but I'll bet we will find some uses for it. In the meantime, this is more than a little creepy.
______________________________________________________

5/30/07-Don't Fall Into This Maintenance Trap

It started just over two weeks ago. Something was not quite right with my reliable car. Lights and messages were flashing but nothing appeared to be wrong. The first indicator light to appear was the airbag. After grabbing the owner's manual and checking the section under messages, I discovered that when this light is on there is a malfunction with the airbag.

Thank you handy owner's manual for clearing that up!

When the low tire pressure light came on and my tires checked out fine I knew I had to take it into the shop. The mechanic hooked up his fancy analyzer and began searching for an explanation, only to discover four separate error messages.

A few days later (airbag light still on) I ran over a deer carcass instead of running into oncoming traffic. Driving in Minnesota is full of obstacles like this! What do you know, the low tire pressure light comes on again. I'm thinking, stupid false alarm, right? Unfortunately, not this time. I actually had a flat tire (darned roadkill). It turned out I had a bone sliver in my tire that caused the flat. With all the complicating electrical testing, the cause of all my problems was a simple fix. Replace the battery. Once a new one was installed the messages cleared, and everything was OK.

In the world of maintenance, I've seen many people get trapped into always assuming a problem is the same every time it comes up. They usually implement a knee-jerk reaction to quickly fix the problem leaving the real issue unresolved. Don't fall into this trap. Pay attention to each problem and look at it as it's own isolated event. Then work it backwards to find similarities (and differences). This is good maintenance.

5/30/07-Man Dies of Information Overload at Maintenance Conference

As the traumatic effects of a third fatality this year sink in, organizers of maintenance training sessions worldwide are reviewing their educational content hoping to find new ways to prevent student deaths. "We didn't really notice he was dead until the end of the day when he did not get up to leave the session", says Bob Maroulis, a trainer on Shutdown Management theory. "He just sort of sat there all day with the same look on his face. I thought he was just a great listener and was really into the material."

A spokesperson from the coroner's office released the cause of death on Tuesday stating that Herb Algrove, 47, Maintenance Planner, died as a result of "synaptic overstimulation and brain swelling". Maroulis added, "I was just trying to give him a great value for his money. I feel horrible. But I'm not sure what I can remove from the training syllabus. It's all necessary information."

An investigative committee has been formed to evaluate all aspects of the training received by the victim. The group's recommendations are expected within 2 months. Until then, maintenance managers are advised to send only their toughest employees to all upcoming educational sessions. Maintenance conference organizers have voluntarily capped all training sessions at 30 Powerpoint® slides per hour.

Managing Maintenance Shutdowns and Outages - Book & CD Combo by Joel Levitt
$67.50

It's a virtual Joel Levitt extravaganza!

5/16/07-When to Schedule Preventive Maintenance Work?

Did you ever try to find the time to schedule preventive maintenance on your equipment, and there WAS NO TIME to do it? You know what I'm talking about. You have ALL those other things going on, right? You don't have time to prevent failures because you are busy fixing the failures you already HAVE.

At least that is what you keep telling your scheduler when he or she calls to tell you that your backlog of PM work orders now needs a system of its own in order to be kept organized. What do you do about it? Well, you refer to Step 12 of "The Dirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Wreck Your Maintenance Program", of course.

Take a few minutes to change your behavior, and fix the problem. Somebody has to have the courage to shut off the failures at the source, and it might as well be you. Stop fighting fires today!

Read Step 12: Walk Away from the Challenge to Do it Right

5/9/07-Are You Serious About Reliability?

Do you and your coworkers really demonstrate that you are serious about reliability? I know many of you who read this newsletter are the leaders in your organization, and you DO support and foster good practices. But, is there more we could all be doing?

It is easy to lose sight of ways to reduce failures, cut costs and improve productivity. We are surrounded with so much information, that much of it is now invisible to us. We ignore it, so we can concentrate on the "big issues". I would like to challenge you to step back and look at your surroundings as if you had never seen them before, and see where you can improve the reliability of your entire operation. Look closely, and don't stop with the obvious "maintenance" things.

Here's an example from our organization:
Last June, we were contemplating the purchase of new computers for the entire facility. This was a sizable investment, but our latest crop of PC's was 5 years old, and getting a little slow and unreliable.

If you recall, this was about the time that Apple began running their now famous television ads poking fun at PC's. It was a lightning bolt for us, because we like to do the same thing with reactive maintenance habits. It seemed like there might be a match. After some discussion and research, we took the leap, and switched to Apple iMacs in every office, and Macbooks in every laptop bag. This was a risk for us, but one we could manage by doing our homework.

Why switch when virtually no one in industrial facilities uses Apple products? It's an easy answer! Apple computers are far more reliable, more stable, faster, easier to learn, require little or no IT support, are almost virus proof and they run Windows perfectly (did you know that?). This simple change has saved us a lot of money and time. Since June 2006, we have had exactly zero problems, and the dreaded "incompatibilities" never surfaced. Those funny commercials are even funnier now, because we know that they are true!

Ask why things are being done the way they are done. Often, you will find that no one knows the answer!

Come on! Slap your competitors silly today. See what they ignore.

5/9/07-Pencil Whipped

Back a few years, I was a supervisor in the boiler house of a large pulp and paper mill. One of my duties was supervision of a shop of about 10 maintenance technicians. I had a great bunch of guys, and we were just like a family. It was one of the best jobs I ever had.

A lot of the work we did was preventive in nature. We did PM's like crazy, many of which I now know were not very well developed. We did the best we could with what we had.

One particular PM job that we did every month was changing a small cylindrical filter on an air line to our boiler bed camera. The air was needed to keep the camera cool while it sent an image of the boiler bed up to the control room. Somehow, through a twisted path of union rules and past practices, the pipefitters were responsible for changing this little filter, which was about the size of a can of beer. Mmmm...beer. Ice cold, tasty beer... Uh, sorry. Back to the story.

One of our two pipefitters on the crew walked into my office one day and handed me a filter for the bed camera. It looked like new. He said, "I have been changing that filter every month for years, and I still have the original two filters. I just swap them around, since they are never dirty."

Now, here is a guy who was diligently trying to support the process be doing the PM. He didn't pencil whip the work order, and just pretend to do the job. So, I guess that's a good thing. But, think about how much it cost to send a skilled person to do this job every month for YEARS! Now, multiply this event times a couple of thousand PMs. How big is this problem? BIG!!

The moral of the story: Make sure that your preventive maintenance is preventing something. Please.

5/2/07-Gridlock: The Lesson We Learned at the Bridge

On our trip out to New Jersey, we traveled up to Portland, Maine to visit a business associate. We knew we were going to drive through some large metropolitan areas, including New York City. Rather than try to avoid it, we thought we would just plan for some delays in traffic, and see some new things.

The drive went smoothly for a few miles after we left Newark, but shortly thereafter we saw a big black sign with yellow text that said, "Expect major delays crossing the George Washington Bridge. Use alternate routes." We would have used an alternate route, we had no idea what route to take, so we continued to drive toward the bridge. We did notice a few cars scrambling across 6 lanes of traffic, desperately trying to get to the right to exit and avoid the jam. I assume these guys were the locals who knew the alternate routes. They are secret, ya know.

For the next 2 hours, we crept along the interstate in short 10 foot hops, wondering when we would even see the bridge. I had the GPS in the car, and it was not even showing a bridge or any water. Not a good sign.

Eventually, we reached a point just before the bridge where there was total chaos. People were frantically trying to switch lanes in all directions, honking their horns and gesturing nastily. Why you ask? Well, they have a toll plaza before the George Washington Bridge, and some lanes take cash, and others only take the Easy Pass used by locals instead of cash, to save time and hassle. Right!

What do you think happens when 6 lanes of cars are forced into a toll plaza, and almost all of them are greenhorns like us, who have no Easy Pass? We all need to get to the right hand lanes to pay with coins. The poor locals who are still in the mob are trying to go to the left to use the Easy Pass, but it is anything but easy!

You could not see the toll plaza until it was too late, and people were trying to guess why people were changing lanes in both directions for no reason. What do you think they did? Yup! They started changing lanes for no good reason, adding fuel to the fire.

After the toll plaza, there was no more gridlock, and traffic sailed along smoothly. Looking back on this event, do you see any parallels with maintenance? We sure do. Why not plan ahead, and give people some directions to use the alternate routes instead of a useless damn sign with no instructions? Why not install more signs to tell people 10 miles back to get to the right if they want to pay the toll with cash, and get to the left for the Easy Pass lanes? This is classic planning and procedure building.

Now, put on your maintenance professionals hat, and think about all of the processes in your maintenance program that create the same kind of foolishness. It is costing you money, wasting your time and making your people mad. Simple changes can usually fix it. If you want proof, take a trip to New York, and cross the George Washington Bridge a few times. That ought to make it all crystal clear.

5/2/07-Have You Heard About the New Work Schedule?

We recently got wind of an organization in Asheville, North Carolina called the Friends of the Five Day Weekend. They are making a case that Americans should adopt a 2 day work week, and start taking some time off.

Apparently, Americans work more hours than any other industrialized nation, and 570 MILLION days of earned vacation go unused every year. That's a lot of days!

I'm not sure about Five Day Weekends, but we certainly support people working efficiently and safely and a big part of that is going home on time. If you are doing maintenance the right way, you should not be spending a lot of your time at work when you are supposed to be at home, or fishing or looking for 4 leafed clovers, or whatever you oddballs do.

What do you think it would be like if everyone worked only 2 days a week? I wonder. Of course, I have worked in a couple of places where people really did only work about 2 days a week, and got paid for 5 or more. It might not be all that different...

4/25/07-He Hasn't Done a Damn Thing in 22 Years...

Somewhere in Wisconsin:
Ron Cherneski (name changed to protect the foolish) recently celebrated his 22nd anniversary as a maintenance technician in a local paper mill. He is proud to say that he has not done a damn thing in all of his time at work, and he is dead serious.

Ron explained that he made a bet with a high school buddy that he could be employed at the mill, and do no meaningful work for his entire career. The bet was $50, and Ron set out to claim the prize.

"I spent the 1985-1987 carrying a 10-foot long piece of pipe around the plant for no reason. By the time I stopped, the pipe was nearly polished to a mirror finish from being handled so much." By 1987, Ron was nicknamed "Clean Ron" because he wore white pants to work and never got them dirty.

Ron was then relocated to a shop where he managed to get himself designated at the crew cook, placing him permanently outdoors tending the grill and deep frying fish. His transfer to the shop was accidentally overlooked, and his supervisor never even knew he was assigned to the crew. This job lasted until 1992, when another crew demanded a cook of their own. Ron was nearly stopped from achieving perfection as a rotten, slacking, good-for-nothing loser. Then, his luck changed...

In 1993, Ron volunteered for a night shift position. Another stroke of luck resulted in no one being aware of his existence. For many years, Ron just punched in and went home for 5-6 hours to watch cartoons. He would then walk down the street to the mill, take a shower, punch out and go home in freshly ironed white pants. Clean Ron was on easy street.

Since 2003, Cherneski has been working on standard operating procedures and manuals as a special project coordinator. In reality, he runs a successful online auction business while at work, and spends the rest of his time drinking gourmet coffee. In February, Ron received an offer from the company to retire early with a full pension and medical benefits for the rest of his life. He told Nobreakdowns.com that he plans to get another job so he doesn't have to go home and do yard work. Ron recently got a check for $50 from his high school buddy with a note that said, "Congratulations, you didn't do it!"

4/18/07-On This Day in History

The Great San Francisco Earthquake struck the city at 5:12 AM on this date in 1906. by the time the even was over, 80% of the city was destroyed by a combination of the quake itself, raging firestorms due to broken gas lines and the desperate attempts of firefighters to stop the fires by blowing up buildings with dynamite.

There was no water available, due to massive damage to the water piping all over the city. 3000 people lost their lives in the catastrophe, and thousands more were injured. The quake registered 7.8 on the Richter scale.

At the time, the population of San Francisco was around 400,000. Nearly 300,000 people were homeless after the disaster.

4/11/07- What The...?!?

A Festival of Frustration

You guys know about the people who push their shopping carts up and down the left side of the aisle at the grocery store. What the heck are they thinking? They're jamming up everything, making shopping into misery! WHY?

The only other explanation is that 2/3 of the people in my store are visiting from the UK or somewhere else where they drive on the left. I don't think so. I would bet that the British have 2/3 of their people walking on the right making a bunch of trouble for the normal ones.

I stood in line at the Post Office today waiting patiently while some goofball tried to exchange 39-cent stamps for 2-cent stamps, in anticipation of the rate hike on May 14. You might wonder why he didn't just wait for the 41 cent version, and exchange for those. No way!

Four of us stood in line for about 5 minutes while he did the math in his head, and asked for 60 2-cent stamps in exchange for 20 39-cent stamps, wasting $6.60 in the process! The postal worker told him that she could not give him any change for the difference due to some government rule. The man said, "OK, well give me 80 2-centers then." She did it, smiled and that was the end of the most ridiculous exchange I have seen in quite some time.

So, next I can expect to stand in line watching someone balance their checkbook before they will get their butt in gear and let the rest of us buy our plastic junk and go home.

4/4/07-LinkTank is Online

We're Gonna Tell You Where To Go!

We keep adding functions to our web site for maintenance people all over the world, hoping to generate enough steam to create an explosion of proactive behavior.

The LinkTank is a listing of links to all kinds of useful web sites for busy maintenance people. You can even submit your own link for consideration if you like. Check it out!

Our site is a veritable paradise of delicious tips, tasty tools and hand-picked products. Mountains of super services, towering over lakes of sarcastic commentary, forests of books and fuzzy little bunnies who represent our bosses and their funny behavior.

There is the fresh mountain air, crisp with the hope of planned maintenance, which smells just like apples and massive quantities of beer and 1/2 pound hamburgers.

OK, just buy some stuff already!

4/4/07-"Secret" Function on Nobreakdowns.com Site

Our Calendar is Actually Your Calendar Too!

A few months ago, one of our site visitors accidentally stumbled onto a programming error on our web site. He was able to add events to the site calendar from the user side of the system, and loaded up some fantastic preventive maintenance tasks, so he could track them. The only problem was EVERYONE ON EARTH could see his entries, which was not so good.

Well, at first, we thought we had a disaster on our hands! But, after a few minutes of discussion, we thought, "Hey, this is a neat little feature!" So, we had our web developer build anew function into our calendar, allowing anyone to enter and view their own calendar items on our site. Don't you just love it when a mistake results in something good?

Now, here is the twist. You actually can enter items 2 ways:
1 - Without logging in, enter an event. This sends the event to the site admin user, who will review it for posting to the public calendar. If your event is something maintenance people might want to know about, this is how to share it!

2 - Login, and the calendar switches automatically to "personal mode", and you can enter events that only you can see when logged in. The tool is quite powerful, allowing repetitive events and other features.

Take me to the calendar now...

I need a login...

I don't give a rat's ass about your calendar...

3/28/07-Probabilities 2

Maintenance or NOT?

Here at Nobreakdowns.com, we travel a lot. Sometimes we sit in airports, watching the people walk by, all busy and puffed up about their jobs. That's exactly how we get some of our best material for this newsletter and other products.

One of the oddest things lately has been the boom of people walking around wearing these ridiculous earpieces that let them talk on their wireless phones without using their hands.

It's not so much that the idea is bad, but that people wear these things 24/7, like they MUST be available at a moment's notice, or the world will end. Come on! Not many people have a job so important that they need a permanent telecommunications device implanted in their head. If you DO need this, I am impressed, my friend! Still, I'll bet the world would function just fine if you spontaneously combusted.

Even funnier is the pompous looks you get from people wearing earpieces, like you are less important because you don't have a plastic cockroach feasting on your ear. I have even seen people take a 3-1/2 hour flight with an earpiece on, and never remove it, even though we KNOW they couldn't have taken a call.

The manufacturers of these silly things say that they are stylish, exclusive, cool and sleek. Those are not the words I would use. How about foolish, unnecessary, nerdy and clunky? I am having a hard time imagining such a doofus-attracting thing ever catching on with maintenance people. Please don't disappoint me, folks.

Oh, and what about actually being able to HEAR with your ear? In addition to all of this, I can't get used to someone standing alone, talking out loud like a madman, only to realize he is "on the phone". They seem to be unaware that everyone around them can hear them ordering Viagra with a credit card.

3/14/07-Cloning Eyed As Solution to Labor Shortage

Many Angered Over "Clones Work Free" Policy

Minneapolis, MN - Severe shortages of skilled manpower in the United States has reached a crossroads. Manufacturing facilities strapped for maintenance technicians and managers have turned to technology to relieve the burden.

A group of businesses has created a system by which they can inexpensively and quickly clone their best personnel, creating an unlimited supply of competent workers. Under the current conditions, these clones must be created offshore, due to US restrictions on the practice. The country supplying over 85% of the clones is East Elbonia, where there are no laws.

"We have had great success, particularly since we perfected the transfer of knowledge from our original subject into each of his or her clones. They are essentially equal in all ways." said group spokesperson Eleanor Greable.

Employees have expressed anger at widespread denial of wages and benefits for their clones.

"All 6 of my clones get paid nothing, and receive no benefits. The company expects me to take them home with me every night! I am a slob, and now it is 7 times worse. Nobody cleans, and we are all wearing dirty clothes to work. I cannot afford to feed myself, now that I have 6 more mouths to feed." complained Matt Henderson, a local pipefitter.

Early attempts at cloning were disasterous, when the first batch was developed using a donor who was a total jerk. "By the time we got them into service, we had 240 whining, lazy, worthless slugs lying all over the plant. It was terrible." quipped foreman Charlie Hicks.

These early prototypes have been moved to customer service positions at a major PC manufacturer.

3/7/07-Communication in the "Good Old Days"

Old Joe Tells Us How It Was

You might think things were better in the past, but Old Joe has a thing or two to say about that. Listen to his "interesting" viewpoints on communication then and now.

You might reconsider your opinion after you hear this!

Old Joe has been hanging around here looking for a part-time job at Nobreakdowns.com. He has a lot to say, so maybe we should consider his offer. What do you think?

He refuses to use a computer, and keeps calling me "Punk"...


Listen to Old Joe Now

3/7/07-Name That Tool ANSWER

February 28, 2007 Tool Identified!

Last week's Name That Tool photo was correctly identified by Christer I. of Raleigh, NC. He identified the tool as a sugar cutter. The device was used to cut pieces of sugar from bulk cones or blocks that were supplied to general stores and restaurants years ago. The jaws of the tool are modified blades, which cut the hardened sugar when the user squeezed the handles.

The most common answer from readers was "some kind of device for leading a bull around by his nostrils". There is a tool for that, and it looks similar. Hopefully, the two were not used interchangeably...

Christer will be receiving a Dirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Wreck Your Maintenance Program t-shirt. Thanks to everyone who replied.
We will run another contest like this shortly.

By the way, for those of you who would like a Dirty Dozen t-shirt will soon be able to buy one at our new Nobreakdowns.com Storeroom site. Opening next week!

2/28/07-What's Your Name?

Titles Make a Difference

We work with a lot of clients around the world, and we see quite a lot of variety in job titles. A Maintenance Coordinator in one plant is called a Team Leader in another. A Planner is called a Planner/Scheduler in another location. Everyone has their own logic for how they name their roles and assign responsibilities.

There is nothing strange about this, until you run into the really weird titles. We know of a site that used to call its lubrication technicians Grease Monkeys! No kidding, it was written in their work instructions, the union contract, everywhere, just like that. Grease Monkeys.

Now, it's funny to read this, and I am pretty sure there must be a story from the good old days how this title came to exist. But, how do you think the title affects the professionalism of the person doing the job?

• Grease Monkey
• Oiler
• Lubrication Technician

Same job, 3 different names. BIG difference in how we view the role! Maybe we need to think about titles when we set our expectations for our people?

Now, let's not carried away either. His Majesty, the Third Earl of Precision Alignment is a bit much...

2/28/07-Car Trouble Leads to Surprise Culprit

No Heat & Sluggish Performance a Mystery

I really enjoy working in my garage on projects from time to time, and winter is getting kind of old here in Minnesota. So, when my wife mentioned that her car was acting up, I was looking forward to doing some maintenance work.

Lori said that the blower on her car was making a lot of noise, and sounded like it was broken. I drove the car, and as you might expect, there was no noise. Everything seemed to be OK.

A few weeks later, the problem returned, and was even worse. I drove the car, and the noise was terrible. It sounded to me like the fan had come loose from the motor shaft, and was completely shattered.

I got out my tools, and after some fooling around to get to the blower under the dash, I pulled the fan down, and found it to be full of dog food! About 2 pounds of it, I would guess. Once this was removed from the blower, everything was fine, and the fan worked perfectly again.

We have a lot of wildlife in our yard, so I figured that we had a chipmunk in the garage, swiping food from our dog, Ruby. Great watchdog! Her bowl is 2 feet from her bed, and she sleeps there all night!

I took the car for a drive, and it seemed kind of sluggish. Thinking that maybe the air cleaner was dirty, I pulled it out, and guess what? Full of dog food. This time it was the entire air intake, the resonating chamber and the housing in front of the filter. At least a half a bag of dog food was crammed in there. Now, I was sure we had an army of chipmunks in the garage, plotting my demise.

I drove home without the dog chow pre-filter in place, and was able to smoke the tires with authority. I set traps all over the garage, slathered with peanut butter. Surely, I would catch a dozen critters. In the morning, I got my answer. One little mouse was caught, and not another one since. That little mouse carried all that dog food up into my wife's car, one piece at a time! 10,000 trips at least!

A quick check of my truck resulted in another 5 pounds of dog food located in the air cleaner there! That mouse was a hard worker, and he knew his way around under the hood. I'll miss him... Yeah, right!

2/28/07-Name That Tool

What the Heck IS That Thing?

Take a gander at the picture of the antique tool below. The first person to correctly identify the tool gets a free Dirty Dozen: 12 Ways to Wreck Your Maintenance Program t-shirt.

Send your guesses to us by clicking here. Go ahead and ask your buddies about it. This is a tough one!

While this thing looks kind of nasty, it's not for bull castration!

If you have any rare tools, and would like to share your trickiest ones with the readers of The Drift, send us a digital picture with a clear explanation of the purpose of the tool. If we print it, we will send you a free t-shirt too.

2/21/07-The REAL Meaning of CMMS Fields

Translated into "Reactive Speak"

1. Work Order Number - Some number that the maintenance techs keep asking us to give them. They claim they need it. Ignore them, or make up a number. Use the same one until you retire.
2. Safety Work Order - Use these to get anything done fast. Almost all work can be framed as a safety issue somehow.
   
3. Short Description - A one word description of the job. "Pump" or "Leak" are commonly used. Keep it as vague as possible.
4. Long Description - No one uses this field. Ignore.
5. Equipment Number - Just use the department number. It is posted on the wall next to every PC. If a technician asks you where the equipment is, tell him to refer to the Short Description.
6. Need by Date - Right now is the default. Not sure of other options.
   
7. Priority - It is best to keep it simple, and mark everything as an emergency. Use the Safety option to add emphasis. There is a huge backlog, so using a lower priority dooms your job to the back of the line.
   

If any of the above is eerily familiar, please see the coupon below for our 5 Pillars: Maintenance & Reliability Professional Review course. We can help you fix it, and we guarantee it will be refreshingly fun to do. This course was designed and scheduled for YOU. Don't be a victim!

You will get 2 days of solid, useful training, a copy of the course CD-ROM and a free 3 month subscription to our online KPI tool, SystemEyes™. Early Bird discounts end March 1.

2/21/07-New Maintenance Books Released

Keep Your Reference Library Up To Date!

We just added four handy new books to our extensive roster of technical topics. Take a look and order today. We'll get them right out to you.



This is the new 2007 edition of the Questions and Answers version of this popular and easy reading book. Don't melt metal without it!

Welding Essentials - Questions and Answers, Second Edition $37.50







This comprehensive book contains just about everything you could possibly want to know about HVAC. Even if you never read it, this huge book left lying on your desk will make you look like Einstein!

HVAC: The Handbook of Heating, Ventilation and Air Conditioning for Design and Implementation $125.00



The Handbook of Manufacturing Processes includes 1500 different descriptions of how things are made, from metal products to plastics. If you ever wondered how the heck something is made, this is your book! A great idea generator.

The Handbook of Manufacturing Processes $115.00







This handy little pocket reference guide is straight to the point, a quick source for AutoCAD information. Newly updated.

AutoCAD Pocket Reference $19.95

2/21/07-Tip for Getting People to Read Work Orders

Sometimes, a Little Persuasion is Useful...

One of the most difficult habits to form when trying to establish planned work methods, is getting people to actually read the work orders. In the past, work orders may not have contained much useful information, so nobody read them.

Now that your work orders have a full work plan attached, with instructions, drawings, parts lists, safety considerations and permits, how can we effectively change how maintenance technicians use them? If no one reads your fabulous work packages, they have no value.

Here's a fun trick that we have used to build a new habit for reading work orders. Find a simple reward, like movie tickets or gift certificates to a local store. Have your maintenance planners add some text to a few work orders every week like this:

"The first person who sees this message, and calls me, gets 2 free tickets to the movies." Bob, The Planner

For just a few dollars weekly, you can drive some change, and make it fun to read the work orders. Try placing the messages in different places in the materials to encourage thorough viewing. Don't make it too easy! Once this system gets rolling, we have seen great response to it.

Give it a try!

2/14/07-It's Hard To Love a Whiner

"But, I Don't Like To Plan!"

Butch Fudgeberry is no stranger to whining. This 20-year veteran of the maintenance profession started complaining and throwing tantrums early in his life, as shown by the photo of him to the right. Since that time, Butch has whined about something nearly every single day, earning him the nickname "Butch The Crabass".

A coworker, who requested to remain anonymous said, "Nothing can get done around here without Butch throwing a fit. First, he whines about how little we plan. Then, the next thing he yells is that we don't have time to plan. What a jerk!"

Other team members have started an informal betting pool to predict the next thing Butch will whine about. One lucky millwright won over $250 when he successfully predicted that Butch would complain that the free Thanksgiving turkey the company gave him was too big.

We followed Butch around for several hours, listening to him ranting about getting his pants dirty, losing his glasses, getting taxed on his bonus check, how the coffee cups were too small and the coffee too strong.

Do you have a whiner like this on your team? Here's a great book to help you deal with all kinds of trouble:

Successfully Managing Change in Organizations: A User's Guide

2/7/07- Maintenance Related Aircraft Photos

You've Gotta See This One!

A few weeks ago, we got an email from someone showing a Chinese 747 with one of its engines strapped down with 3 seat belts. It was flown to Frankfurt, Germany on 3 engines, full of passengers!

The plane was grounded, and it ended up requiring 3 new engines, as they were beyond repair. How would you like to fly on that one?

Anyway, after some exhaustive searching, we found the source of this cool story, and were shocked to find the site contained a HUGE amount of other great content. You have to look at it to understand. Go there, NOW!

See More Aircraft Pics Than You Can Handle

1/31/07- Embarrassment & Split Rim Safety

Make Sure You Understand The Instructions

Some of you might have seen maintenance technicians assemble split rims for truck or automobile tires years ago. These rims have largely been removed from service, because they had a tendency to fly apart explosively when the tire was inflated, if the ring on the outside was not properly seated.

For the most part, these rims are no longer a common safety hazard, but it pays to know that they exist, and you might run across one someday. Be aware that split rims require special care, and when inflating, a special reinforced cage is used to contain the tire and rim while inflating, thereby keeping flying steel safely away from people.

So, here's the funny part. We know someone who worked in one of the large iron ore mines in Northern Minnesota some years back, and a young mechanic was being trained to work with split rims. The foreman told him to be sure to use the safety cage when inflating a new tire on the rim. He then left the new guy to do the job.

A little while later, the foreman returned to the shop to see how things were going. He was treated to a good laugh, as the green mechanic had climbed into the cage, and was reaching through the bars to inflate the tire, which was standing outside the cage! I guess there is more than one way to skin a cat.

1/24/07- "It's The Best We Can Do!"

The Phrase That Killed a Million Good Ideas

When you are working hard to make your maintenance program more effective, there is nothing more defeating that to hear the dreaded words, "It's the best we can do."

Consider this: You want to establish a planning system for work orders, and ask for some planners to be hired to staff the role:

Your boss says: "We can't give you any new people. But, the technicians can plan their own work."

You reply: "But, we know that won't work. They will spend all day chasing parts and struggling. We need dedicated planners."

Your boss replies: "It's the best we can do."

When we translate this into English,you have just been told to buzz off, and never return. Spending your time trying to convince this person is unlikely to result in a good outcome.

There is an enormous difference between "the best we can do" and " the right thing to do". The first statement is a lazy, cowardly way to avoid taking a stand, and the second is an honorable, courageous commitment to drive the task to completion, even if it hurts.

So, what kind of people do you hang around with? Those who do their best, or those who do it right? Maybe it's time to make some changes.

1/17/07- Are You Ready America?

Find Out How To Prepare For Emergencies

We got a tip from a friend that the Department of Homeland Security has a website called Ready.gov, that is designed to inform and educate citizens about preparing for disasters of all types (weather, terrorist attacks, epidemics and so forth).

After taking a look at it, we are 110% thrilled to see a really good plan in place. It isn't a lighthearted topic, but those of us in the reliability field know that being prepared and vigilant is critical. The site has great information for home, business and even a special section for kids, with well designed checklists and job aids to help people GET IT DONE.

This is much better than the silly terror alert system by the same organization. After about 2-3 years of Alert: Elevated (orange), you don't even notice it anymore.

Please check out this site, and share it with anyone you care about. Whether you get hit by a hurricane, snowed in, sick or attacked by idiots, a plan is important for your safety.

Click the link above, or the green Ready America image in our Featured Items section, and make sure you are ready.

1/10/07- Mandatory Blood Donation Saves Company

Literally a "Give Us All You've Got!" Initiative
Butterford, Indiana - Employees of Chicken Masters, Inc. have saved their company through a unique program called "Give Us All You've Got!".

The market for highly processed and chemically altered chicken products has been dwindling over the past few years, due to concern over the safety and health affects of radiated and genetically manipulated chicken. This led the company of 1100 employees to look for ways to supplement their income.

Twice a week, each employee is required to donate a pint of blood plasma at a local center, which pays Chicken Masters $40-$45 per pint. In return, the employee gets to keep his/her job. The donation must be done on the employee's own time, which creates additional savings.

"The program generates an average of $93,000 a week, which results in a small profit even if our sales of whipped chicken is way down." says company spokesman Ducky Hamilton. We asked Hamilton if there had been any resistance by employees about being forced to donate blood. He replied, "No, not really. People know that jobs are tough to come by in this area, and we all work together to cut costs."

When asked why the company has not considered updating its product mix to appeal to modern tastes, Hamilton appeared puzzled, and replied, "We're going for the low hanging fruit first, but that might be an option someday."

The company has plans to expand the program to organ donation in late 2007. The market for lungs and kidneys is great, and each employee has an extra one of those to contribute.

1/10/07- Look, Daddy! It's a Dinosaur!

Two Living Dinosaurs Spotted in Minnesota

In the past week, I have personally seen two honest-to-goodness dinosaurs walking through our small community. My 6-year-old daughter saw them too, and stood there pointing, with her mouth hanging open.

I am not kidding. Two people, a T-Rex and and a Velociraptor if you will, told me adamantly that there was no way that equipment maintenance could be done ANY OTHER WAY except by reacting to emergency failures. The topic was not open for debate with these two, yet we are still here, apparently making a living doing something that does not work.

I was speechless (and that is rare). Once in a while, you still hear an old timer griping about how things were better in the good old days and all that kind of stuff, but NEVER two rock solid "The World is Flat!" guys in one week! There are only 8000 people in our town, and 2 of them evidently missed the period from 1970 to the present entirely.

I wonder if there have been any sightings in other areas of the globe?

1/3/07- Planning: Day One

From Nothing to Something in 60 Seconds

My first exposure to a real, honest to goodness maintenance planning organization was some years ago now. It was quite an experience!

Our company was committed to doing a world class job of building a great maintenance program, and they invested heavily in training and hiring. It was an exciting time, and nearly everyone was fired up about our new lease on life. As a maintenance superintendent, I had the best job of my career.

Since we were brand spanking new from the planning perspective, we had nothing to work with on the first day. There were 7 of us, and we were given an empty room as our headquarters. We had no furniture, no computers, no phone and no network connections. Looking back, it was a ridiculous situation, but we were full of hope. We did have a fantastic view of the river from our window, which was nice.

So, the first thing we did was steal a PC from the Engineering Department, and moved some folding tables into the room, so we had a place to sit and work. For several weeks, we used a phone hanging on the wall in the hallway as our only connection to the outside world. It was quite a challenge to use a single PC by taking turns between 7 people, but we did it.

Slowly, we got organized, and within a day or two, we sat down to review the backlog of work orders, which were 99% unplanned, and there were about 2000 of them, if I recall. We printed them all out, and divided them up equally, not knowing much about how to prioritize them at the time. Man, were we green! We were all seasoned veterans of reactive programs, with tons of hand-on experience, but this was totally new for us.

I left the plant 4 years later to dedicate 100% of my time to Nobreakdowns.com, and at that time, the planning organization was strong and capable, and had everything they needed to be successful. I am still very proud of our team, and what we did there. It was quite an experience, and not always easy, but we stuck together and did great work.

When I run across someone who says they can't make changes because they don't have this or that, it brings a smile to my face, because I know that it CAN be done with nearly nothing, if you want it to be done.

I am sure most of you have some maintenance stories of your own, and if you send them to us, we may share some of them in this newsletter, with your permission.

12/20/06- ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas - Maintenance Style

(Adapted from A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore, 1823)

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the plant,
not a creature was stirring, not even an ant.
The socks were installed in the bag house with care,
all ready to filter the dust from the air.

The managers were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of profits danced in their heads.
And Jim in his hardhat, and I in my cap,
had just settled down for long night shift nap.

When out in the sewage plant arose such a clatter,
I leapt from my chair to see what was the matter.
To the exit I flew like a madman on fire,
Tore open the door, looking low, and then higher.

The moon on the clarifier shone with a glow,
and gave a clear view of the valley below.
When, what to my bloodshot eyes should appear,
but a rusty sleigh and eight scrawny reindeer.

With a tired old driver, all dirty and sick,
I thought for a moment “That can’t be St. Nick!”
Slower than turtles, his scurvy deer came,
And he wheezed and rattled and called them bad names:

“Now Loser! Now Slacker!
Now, Doofus and Creepy!
On, Convict! On, Coward!
On Blunder and Sleepy!
To the top of the sludge press!
To the top of screw!
Now fly away! Fly away!
Fly away! Pew!"

Like welding slag blown away with a hose,
the old sleigh shuddered and slowly rose.
So up to the rooftop the stinkers they flew,
with the sleigh full of tools, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, with an echo, I heard on the roof,
the stamping and stumbling of each tired hoof.
As I went back inside and was turning around,
down the vent stack St. Nicholas slid with no sound.

He fell on the macerator pump with a crunch,
It was filled with turds and yesterday’s lunch.
A bundle of tools he had strapped to his back,
And he looked so miserable opening his sack.

His eyes—how they squinted! His grimace, how mean!
His fists were all withered, his face was pale green!
He grumbled and muttered about his sad plight,
How his elves and paid helpers kept him up all night.

I expected a pipe to be hanging from his lips,
But instead he swigged whiskey, and not little sips.
He was ornery and bitter, and he seemed very stressed,
His maintenance program was not the world’s best.

He was skinny and worn, not a jolly old elf,
and I pitied the fool, in spite of myself.
And a twitch of his eye, and a scratch of his ear
I knew that St. Nick gave me nothing to fear.

I stepped into the light and said, “Hi!” with a smile,
And we sat down together to talk for a while.
He told me his troubles with machines and his elves.
Emergency repairs made with no parts on the shelves.

When he finished relieving himself of his worry,
He sprang to his sleigh, in the new falling flurry.
But I heard him exclaim, as he flew into the night,
“Merry Christmas, Mechanic! Have a wonderful night!”

12/06/06- Rage Overcomes Man

Computers to Blame

A local businessman went off the deep end today, releasing weeks of pent up frustration on his personal computer.

An interview with the man after the incident resulted in his admission that he had indeed repeatedly jumped on the computer, reducing it to scrap.

The computer refused to allow him to open and print a report that he had been working on for 2 weeks, and a fatal error refused to allow him to recover any data.

One thing is certain; the computer has been punished for its behavior, and will never do it again.

Hint: We at Nobreakdowns.com switched to Apple computers exclusively in July. Well, we kept one PC "just in case". Since making the change, we mostly point at the PC and laugh at its incompetence. Don't be concerned, The Apple's are easy, fast and reliable.

11/29/06- New Legislation Forces Standardization

All Maintenance Techs to Be Called Bob

Casper, WY – The Wyoming state legislature has introduced and passed legislation that will force all maintenance techs in the state to be called Bob. The law stops short of forcing a legal name change, but does stipulate 100% compliance with the ordinance during working hours.

The bill was read and passed during a slow period in the House, around 3:45 am. The bill passed unanimously with a 7-0 vote. House representatives, when asked why they had voted this way responded, “We're really tired, and we just want to get home.”

Representative Tom Addersly, who introduced this bill, stated “We already have a lot of Bob's in the maintenance field,and this is just an opportunity to standardize.”

Addersly already has plans in place for bills to force all legislators to be called Tom, all nurses to be called Sue and all rock stars to be called Sïd.

Reaction to the decision was quick from all sides. Trade unions denounced the resolution as an “attack against the freedoms and ideologies of the entire world.” The A.S.G.N.B. (American Society for Guys Named Bob) are extremely happy with the outcome although they would have preferred that everyone legally change their name to Bob.

Women’s groups are coming to grips with the reality of female techs being called Bob, but they are lobbying for an amendment to allow females to be called Bobbi.

Pipefitter Works So Hard That His Ass Actually Drags

"I Felt Something Tugging Me As I Walked to the Locker Room"

Mike Birchfield works at a local power plant as a shift pipefitter. During a recent maintenance outage, he was scheduled to work eleven 12-hour shifts in a row, doing a major overhaul on one of the boilers.

As the outage was nearing completion, the pressure was on to complete dozens of add-on work orders, as no planning or scheduling is done at the plant. Mike was exhausted, and was not feeling quite right.

"I can remember this funny feeling that I was moving in slow motion. It seemed like everyplace I went, I was having trouble getting around, getting stuck in tight spaces, knocking over things and stumbling.", said Birchfield from his hospital bed.

Birchfield made it to the end of his shift, and walked back to the locker room to shower and dress for the ride home. It was then that he realized that something was seriously wrong with him.

"People were pointing, and their mouths were hanging open. I looked behind me, and there on the floor was something I never expected, my own ass!", explained Mr. Birchfield.

This extremely rare medical deformity called worksohardima dragginass, brought on by excessive labor and stress, afflicting only 1 in 500 million people, and has not been seen in the United States since 2 farmers from Indiana came down with the ailment after putting up hay for the winter in 120 degree heat during the summer of 1947.

Mike is expected to make a full recovery, but will require extensive physical therapy to regain full use of his ass. Donations to help the Birchfield family defray medical expenses for Mike's care can be sent to the local hospital, care of "Save Mike's Ass Fund".

11/22/06- "If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say" Speech Backfires

CEO Endures 2 Hours of Dead Silence At Local Plant

Hibbing, MN - Harlon Crenshaw, CEO of Crenshaw Industries, a local manufacturer of snow shovels and precision optics presented what was supposed to be a 2-hour long speech to motivate the employees of the struggling plant.

He was met by heckling, booing and a hail of spitballs and rotten eggs. Workers were furious over the announcement that the customary Thanksgiving turkey that the company gives out each year as a gift to each employee would be replaced by a small bag of granola.

Shouting from the back of the room, one meeting attendee screamed, "We're gonna get you for this, Crenshaw! You better run to your car when you leave, because we're gonna tar and feather you if we catch you!"

Crenshaw desperately tried to regain control of the riotous crowd, saying, "We had to do it! The anti-meat people protested if we gave you meat! The anti-nut people said they would get sick or die if we gave out peanuts! The anti-alcohol folks said we couldn't give out wine! Dammit, all we had left was granola with no nuts, and it's even organic! The bag is small because the FDA said obesity is on the rise, and our lawyer said we would get sued if we gave out a bigger bag!"

The crown would have none of it, and began chanting, "Down With Crenshaw!" The CEO kept his composure, and speaking clearly into the microphone, said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." After a few snickers and hoots, the crowd of over 200 settled into total silence.

For two solid hours, there was nothing but absolute silence in the room, with the exception of a single worker munching granola in the back row, wearing a Greenpeace t-shirt and Birkenstock sandals. He was very happy.

11/15/06-"New" Land Speed Record

November 15, 1965

Craig Breedlove set a new land speed record by reaching 600.601 mph in his Spirit of America Sonic 1 at the Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah on November 15, 1965.

This bettered his previous fastest pass, also a world record, of 555.485 mph, set just 13 days earlier.

You might say Craig was quickly going faster.

11/15/06-"Scroodex" Officially Becomes a Word

Coined by Nobreakdowns.com

Scroo-dex |skroo•deks|, noun

The elimination of a major problem, by another major problem, resulting in no problem. In effect, two wrongs DO make a right.

Example:
Dave travels to speak at a maintenance conference, but his flight is delayed due to a passenger dressed like a pirate running around yelling, "Ahoy, Mateys!!!" on the plane. He is hopelessly trapped in Chicago.

When he finally does catch a later flight, he is doomed to be trapped again in Atlanta because his flight from there has already left. But, the second flight is also delayed, due to the pilot being too drunk to fly, so everything is OK.

Usage:
"Today, I was in big trouble, but thanks to a scroodex, I was saved."

11/15/06-Disgruntled Foreman Writes Work Order to Tear Down Plant

Job Done Before Anyone Noticed

Workers at a northern Wisconsin paper mill were "shocked to arrive at work and find the plant torn down", a union spokesman said early Thursday. “Where do I punch in?” was the common lament among workers.

Darrell Kemp, a company representative said that a “disgruntled” production foreman had put a request into the recently computerized work order system, telling the maintenance technicians to tear the plant down.

“It appears the maintenance guys executed the work order before the error could be caught. The work order was marked as an emergency, so they went right to work.”, stated Kemp, visibly shaken.

Displaced production workers quickly went about finding the cafeteria, so they could get a cup of coffee to fend off the November chill.

It is unknown whether the plant will be rebuilt. “To do that, I would need to put in a work order, but at this point I can’t find my desk”, said a chief engineer, who asked to remain anonymous.

With Christmas approaching rapidly, the price of wrapping paper is expected to make a serious jump. The company is trying to move the production to other plants until the crisis is resolved. “This is not in our long range plan. We will have to come up with a strategy to deal with this.”, said Marvin Schlep, Director of Corporate Strategy.

Sasquatch Helps Local Man Change Tire

"He Was Real Good With the Tools."

Local maintenance technician Glen Harding experienced the surprise of his life yesterday, when his truck got a flat tire outside Grand Rapids. He was on his way to deliver a piece of equipment to a customer, and found himself stranded in the early morning hours along US Highway 2, with little or no traffic.

He was struggling to change the front passenger side tire on the truck, when he heard a rustling noise in the spruce swamp behind him. Out of the stunted evergreens came something he never expected. Recent reports in the area of Bigfoot have been ridiculed as a hoax, but no more! Standing in front of Glen was a Sasquatch, nearly 9 feet tall according to the badly shaken mechanic.

There was nowhere to run, so Glen reported that he simply froze in his tracks, not sure what to do. Then, the giant beast picked up the flashlight Glen had dropped on the ground, and pointed it at the tire, grunting and gesturing at the lugnuts. Glen said, "It was just like my partner Chuck was there. That big hairy dude just held the flashlight for me while I changed the tire in the dark. It was the damndest thing I ever saw. He even smelled like Chuck, kinda."

In a few minutes, the tire was changed, and the Bigfoot set down the flashlight, and lifted the front end of the truck so Glen could remove the rather puny jack from under the vehicle. "It was like he was used to working with tools, really spooky!", said Harding.

Local manufacturers, shorthanded and looking for skilled workers have expressed an interest in hiring the Sasquatch. Glen simply said, "That's fine with me. He was real good with the tools. The only thing I can say is they will definitely need to make him wear some clothes. He might work and smell like Chuck, but I have to draw the line somewhere!"