Pipefitter Works So Hard That His Ass Actually Drags

"I Felt Something Tugging Me As I Walked to the Locker Room"

Mike Birchfield works at a local power plant as a shift pipefitter. During a recent maintenance outage, he was scheduled to work eleven 12-hour shifts in a row, doing a major overhaul on one of the boilers.

As the outage was nearing completion, the pressure was on to complete dozens of add-on work orders, as no planning or scheduling is done at the plant. Mike was exhausted, and was not feeling quite right.

"I can remember this funny feeling that I was moving in slow motion. It seemed like everyplace I went, I was having trouble getting around, getting stuck in tight spaces, knocking over things and stumbling.", said Birchfield from his hospital bed.

Birchfield made it to the end of his shift, and walked back to the locker room to shower and dress for the ride home. It was then that he realized that something was seriously wrong with him.

"People were pointing, and their mouths were hanging open. I looked behind me, and there on the floor was something I never expected, my own ass!", explained Mr. Birchfield.

This extremely rare medical deformity called worksohardima dragginass, brought on by excessive labor and stress, afflicting only 1 in 500 million people, and has not been seen in the United States since 2 farmers from Indiana came down with the ailment after putting up hay for the winter in 120 degree heat during the summer of 1947.

Mike is expected to make a full recovery, but will require extensive physical therapy to regain full use of his ass. Donations to help the Birchfield family defray medical expenses for Mike's care can be sent to the local hospital, care of "Save Mike's Ass Fund".